The past few years I came to realize that just like many romantic relationships, not every friendship last forever and that there are such things as unhealthy friendships. And yet nobody teaches us about these kind of things. Hopefully you had a different experience, but from the women I’ve spoken too, it seems that breaking up from unhealthy friendships isn’t something that’s done very often. We’re trying to hang on to the past or make something work that has run it’s course. So often we stay in a toxic friendship without either person even realizing it.
I am not quite sure why we feel the need to stay connected to toxic friends or where it all begins, but I can assure you that it’s OK to have a break up. Any relationship in life, whether it’s romantic or platonic, needs to be healthy, loving and respectful from both sides. In some cases, when the scales aren’t balanced, when people have changed and when life has moved on, it’s time to end the relationship.
I am not saying that any hard time in a friendship means that it needs to finish, it’s important to support each other. But we do need to draw the line somewhere and question where we are benefiting from being in something so unhealthy. And most of the time, even if the friend doesn’t realize it at the time, if the friendship really isn’t working, it will be the best, to distance themselves and maybe even call it quits.
I struggled with this so much. I still do. Feeling like I was letting people down if I walked away, feeling like I was a horrible friend, but like I said before, people change (you and me included), and as we evolve in our lives, we might go down different paths. Some friendships will cope with that, but some won’t. And that’s OK. You can still have love for someone and a friendship that once was, but that doesn’t mean it needs to last forever. You can be grateful for the time you had with a loved one, still love them in many ways, and respect them, but also still know that the relationship wasn’t serving you (and probably them). And when you finally end it, you end up happier and on a clearer path.
Who knows, maybe your friendship just needs a time out, a little breathing space and then you’ll reconnect. But accept the relationship for what it was, and stop forcing something that brings you down and is unhealthy and makes you feel bad in any ways.
The hardest part is the break up itself. Remember that just because you see it one way, doesn’t mean your friend will understand and see it the same way as you. All you need to know in this situation is how you feel and that you don’t want to feel like that any longer. Most people who are toxic don’t even realize they are and will not understand you, some even end up blaming the other, what will just prove you are making the right decision for leaving them behind. There’s no need to put blame on your friend, ultimately it’s a two-way street.
Maybe there will be tears. Maybe feelings of guilt, sadness, anger and longing. Maybe there will be feelings of relief and freedom. Whatever it is for you, know that it’s OK. A platonic friendship is just as much in need of care and attention as a romantic relationship and that at some point it might come to an end.
Honoring yourself, your happiness and what you want in your life, what is good for you in your life can be challenging sometimes, but it might be just what you need.
Have you ever broken up from unhealthy friendships? What was your experience? Let me know in the comments below.
